Tuesday, December 8, 2009


"This place is filthy. The grossest office I've had to work in since I had to do all those volunteer hours in dental school. I guess the community health center is an easier place to work off a DUI, than the county jail, but dear God! The smell from the mouths of some of these hobos smells like a septic tank accident. in a pet cemetery. in July. I was standing there heroically suppressing my gag reflex, when this . . Thing appeared. It was singing the saddest song I ever heard. Singing was probably the wrong word more like vibrating, sending out a pulse of melodic depression masking the deepest tragedies the human mind can fathom. I'm too afraid to ask what it wants"

Lately, I've been gripped with stomach churning awe that quickly becomes self-loathing when I read Pim and Francie by the reclusive weirdo/genius Al Columbia. He makes me feel like an insect trying to fly to the moon. Oh, well I bet I could beat him up.

Monday, November 23, 2009

A representative sample

A wholly negatively stereotyped sample of the inner monologue of some assorted humans in a warzone.

from l to r:

“I can’t believe how incredible this feels! Six months ago I was nothing and now look at what I’ve helped accomplish. What he made me accomplish.”

To convince men to follow you, first convince them to admire you. Does that sound good or too pretentious? I have to get a bronze star for this. No way the brass can deny what I accomplished today. I need one of those MacArthuresque speeches to dazzle all the uniforms with the bright lights of my military brilliance. Maybe then I can get a promotion out of this shithole. Maybe some bullshit about “liberation” that always goes over . . “

“That fat bitch better back the fuck off. I ‘ll be goddamned if I’m gonna go back to blowing a staff sergeant to try and get private quarters”

“What a stone-cold motherfucker! He didn’t even wait for the order from CENTCOM, he just blew the whole town straight to hell. He even let us pick off the stragglers with the anti aircraft guns. There was nothing left but red mist. This is the best day of my life.”

“This is a complete mess, but if it works it was worth it. It’s time for those people to step and take some responsibility for rebuilding this country. We did our job.”

“ . .ICECREM . . “

Sunday, October 11, 2009

You Must Make Friends With Fear, . . . Fear and Moral Terror

"A teenage girl wandered up to me and demanded, 'SMELL ME!'. I hesitantly sniffed and replied 'You smell like cigarettes'. 'Great!' she exclaimed. 'I've been figured out'.
She huffed away ready to perpetuate her angst on the next unsuspecting victim. I lied. She smelled not only like cigarettes, but possessed the underlying acrid, musty smell of a food service worker that lacks the self awareness to engage in the hygiene the social contract demands."

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Doused in Gas, Stuffed in a Hole

Large Man: "Son, you got ta get busy livin' or get busy dyin'! I ain't about to tolerate this in-between bullshit!"

Monday, September 14, 2009

Unrepentant slacker

Yeeaaah. . . So I haven't put anything on this for a long time because I have been slaving on a drawing that has taken waaaay too much time.I've also been spending an inordinate amount of time planning the colors and drawing the transparencies for a silkscreen of that drawing. so in the meantime enjoy this drawing of a fat guy I saw at a comic convention. I sorta turned him into a rockabilly guy, in reality he was a weird egg-shaped man with a a permanently puckered face that was perennially beet red.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

leering bastard and the comedy of the american family

So, everyone has seen the married athlete past his prime trying to flirt with a girl half his age in front of his clueless wife and kids. His lame attempts at infidelity would be tragic if they weren't so pathetically funny.

More drawings for the Misery Engine

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Misery Engine

First drawing for a new big project. a big long comic that will eventually be all silk-screened. and nicely bound. Should have some sequential panels and big pictures with blocks of text.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Progress: til there's nothing left to gain

I know my tens of readers are interested in how I create these wondrous works of mediocrity-well your wait is over! here is a step by step exercise in futility:

Well, here is step one, a fairly incomplete sketch with all the structural details laid out, except for the fact that all the figures on the bottom are way too small and the perspective on the cabinet and the picture frame are way off. It was fairly big, around 30" x 36" and I shrunk it down to fit on a 24" x 30 ish" etching plate. I started working on it and noticed all the horrible inconsistencies, now to fix them.

This first diagram is fairly inept, and quite frankly, lazy, so I set out to do another one.

The second diagram is just too arbitrary. I didn't make the proper measurements to insure that the grid size was constant, i.e. the squares on the floor that mark the space where a human would stand are too wide in the front relative to their size in the back. I made colored blocks to represent a roughly human sized shape corresponding to the grid. I put them in spots relative to the most noticeably incorrect figures. I did correct the shelf and the picture frame.

Here's the one that worked. Good old mathematical perspective properly measured and diagrammed. I tried to use different colors for the different levels and planes of view. I started with the red for the living room floor and the blue for the "ceiling" of the main figures heads. From there you just draw lines from the eye level of the composition to the corners of the squares and build your grid from there. Once the primary figure is mapped out on the appropriate plane It is the simple (but tedious) task of moving the grid up and down with corresponding proportions. I drew the boxes close to where the figures were and used them as a measuring device.

Good old Photoshop. I superimposed the grid on the original and went about grabbing the figures and resizing them. I had to rotate and rebuild the ones that are hunched over but it seemed to work.

TAA-DAA! It only took a day and half to correct mistakes I should have noticed months ago. That's why I'm such a little prodigy. Now all that's left is to fix the ham fistedly drawn clothing on the figures I just resized and I should be in business for months of etching fun. Hopefully this self-defeating rant will brighten your day and serve as a cautionary warning.

I feel sort of embarrassed to be posting half finished sketches, but yeah, whatever

By they way I'm really sick of all this goddam Michael Jackson bullshit.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


This is what I've been working on the past few weeks, it took way longer than it should but every inch of that paper (except the machete mummy twins)has been erased at least twice, sometimes after two days worth of work. No one ever accused me of being efficient.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Big Hair, Bigger Egos

It would be nice if you could tell how arrogant and annoying someone was by how big their hair is, also, I won a cash award but lost all the money at the dog track. I then fought a very angry Hispanic dwarf. I WON, so suck on that!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

a big Drawing dump

I've been neglecting my online fun lately. I've been researching and sketching some crap for a new comic strip, should hopefully be interesting here are some character ideas.

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Law is an Ass

I used to think that if I had a time machine I would go back in time and kick Prescott Bush in the balls until he bled out of his ears. It would have a twofold affect: It would punish him for getting rich doing business with the Nazis, and it would spare future generations from suffering through the Presidency of his incompetent son and his mentally-retarded, arrogant, degenerate whore of a grandson. Now I think I might go back and give Dick Cheney's mom a burlap sack and point her to nearest body of running water. Just stick around long enough to make sure the job gets done. Can people whose souls are composed entirely of feces breathe underwater?

The only good thing to happen in the past few months is the ten dollar gift card I found in a box of Cocoa Puffs.

I built a new website with all my work nicely organized and easy to get to. check it out here

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Assorted items.

Just trying to draw some girl with a "typical" midwestern type face.

Mommy, can I go out and kill tonite?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Shepherd of the Ills

Here's a proof of a relief print in progress. This might be a little too metal.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Boiled Bunny

Aren't things wonderful? Nothing restores my faith in the order of things like furry little woodland creatures.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The System Collapses Without Cruelty

This took way longer than it should have. It's why there hasn't been anything new here for a while.